We place so much emphasis on what others think of us. We think people don’t talk to us because of something inherently wrong with us. But really there is more going on.

When we enter a room we can either decide to enter into the potential conversations or we can hold back and protect ourselves from saying something stupid or not knowing what to say.

It’s easier to hold back for some people. I am one of them. But when I do hold back, I find people are less likely to talk to me. I wait for someone else to make the first move, to start the conversation or to initiate including me.

And often it never comes.

So the natural tendency when we find ourselves in a similar position again is to follow what we have learnt. People don’t like us so we think why bother?

But really it’s not that people don’t like you (although that may well be true but not important), it’s just that they are feeding off the signals you send. The signals that say you want to be left alone.

And there may be many worthy reasons why you may think like this. Maybe you don’t feel worthy or loved and are simply protecting yourself. But ultimately when we do this we are being selfish. When I do this I am being selfish.

We are effectively saying the part I have to play in this community is not up to scratch. But then we miss out on what you have to say.

I can continue to be selfish with the gifts I have been given, the person I was created to be or I can move forward.

I can understand that actually, the cues that people often use to form negative opinions of someone come from me, not them. From my silence and my holding back.

This is why communication in any relationship is important because if there is none we will fill in the blanks ourselves and mostly these words are just inaccurate.

So don’t wait to be part of the community. You already are so take your place and let us hear your voice.

Because without it we’re incomplete.