I grew up never really liking God. I mean I knew He loved me in a theoretical sense but hardly ever felt a nice warm and fuzzy feeling inside like I thought I should. He just felt too distant and someone to be weary of.
Much of this has to do with the view I had of myself. Occasionally I would get this overwhelming sense of loneliness and unworthiness. There are many reasons for this and many that I may still need to discover but I am convinced that one major factor is the view I had of God from church.
Now when I say church I don’t mean just my home church, but Christians, books I read, the way I was taught to read the Bible and what I was just simply told God was like by the people I thought knew.
But as I have grown older and into my adulthood I am convinced that a lot of what I thought was true about God was well, simply lacking in something. And sure yeah we may never fully know God but I couldn’t help but think I was being shortchanged.
Now back to how I viewed myself. From the very start we’re told that humans as a thing, we are essentially fuck ups. We don’t really need to look into our past too far to see that but if we did we would see the millions of ways that we have made a mess of everything. From slavery, racism, murder all the way to the Hangover Part 3. We mess up something good and ruin it. Continue reading