Mrs. Jesus

With the recent discovery of an ancient papyrus text (not to be confused with papryka) suggesting Jesus may have indeed had a Mrs. Jesus I wonder just how good a husband Jesus would have been. Apart from the endless travelling and the hours spent away working I’m pretty sure Jesus would have been the best husband ever. Here are a few benefits of being married to the Son of God.

Dinner Time

You come home from a long day at work, all you want to do is kick back and relax and watch an episode of Galilee Shore, but you have a dinner to cook for the Messiah. Knowing there is nothing in the fridge you panic. Fear not, despite your humble husband’s long day of healing the sick and reprimanding the religious, Jesus has time to turn a couple of measly rocks into a 4 course banquet. And of course there are plenty of leftovers for tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. And the ne…..

Making Up

If you are a husband you probably know this one too well. Your wife seems distant, there is clearly tension and you know something is up. But you can’t quite put your finger on it. Was it something you said, something you did, or the actual answer, something you didn’t do? Well having our Lord as your spouse now renders the statement, “If you don’t know already then there’s no point telling you” redundant. With his psychic powers of knowing what someone is thinking before they even do, your perfect husband knows exactly what’s wrong and has got the flowers and chocolate ready. Not to mention a glass of wine literally on tap.

Bedtime Stories

If Jesus was married, perhaps he had kids too. And what kid doesn’t love a good bed time story. And who better to tell one than Jesus Christ the parable teller? If there was ever someone you wanted to tell you a good yarn it was Jesus. Plus whenever those awkward questions about life crop up, no longer do you have to be stumped and not prepared, simply smile and tell your kids “ask your Dad”


Most wives have to put up with husbands thinking they can fix anything and everything. But your husband just happens to be a divine carpenter and handy man.  So when the TV’s on the blink and the washing machine chooses to flood the kitchen just before Passover week, when all the electricians and plumbers are off for the festivities, don’t worry. Your number 1 guy’s healing hands reach further than just the average blind or crippled man. DIY Jesus is the man for the job.

However, maybe Jesus was more of a typical husband that I’d like to imagine.  After all He thought He was always right, He had a habit of going off without telling you and His buddies were always around.

Perhaps there’s hope for the rest of us after all.

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