Open

While I waited for Mark’s call in my bedroom I thought about how what I was about to do was the complete opposite of what I was used to doing there. Sure I was nervous and scared but I was also incredibly excited and hopeful.

Knowing that Mark was going to call and ask me questions about my week specifically if I had looked at porn made me feel safe then vulnerable but ultimately confident. Normally I would hide away in my room creating a wall of secrets as I sat with my trousers around my ankles viewing porn. That day was different. That day I was opening up my life to someone like I had never done before.

From spending hours in my room feeling a mixed bag of emotions that usually ranged from ecstasy then shame; to a mixed bag of emotions that made me feel afraid but hopeful.

From creating secrets to exposing them.

This was my first experience of accountability.

And it changed everything. Continue reading